5 years and 5 years

I am a creature of habit. I go to extremes. It is only black and white. There is no shade of grey in my color wheel.

I have been toying with the idea of blogging again for a while. Tonight I finally logged in. As always, there is a pattern.

I started my blog in 2005 and stopped in 2005.

I restarted in 2010 and stopped in 2010.

It is now 2015. I wonder how long I will go this time. I wonder if it will be 5 years before I return again. I hope to stick around longer this time.

I guess it is a time for an update being as it has been 5 and 10 years since I was posting on here and boy has life changed.

When I last posted I lived in Modesto, CA. I have since lived in Reno, NV, Spokane, WA, and Coeur D'Alene, ID.  Again, returning to being a creature of habit, I am back in Modesto, CA.

My sister moved back to South Dakota. She recently earned her Master's in business management. Good Job sis!

My mom has had a handful of strokes which forced her to retire from nursing earlier then she would have liked. Otherwise she is pretty good. She and my dad got remarried. I didn't see that coming. Dad has also retired now. They moved back to South Dakota where the cost of living is much less.

Between 2005 and 2010, was 2008 and that is when Bart and I got married. We are still married.

Bart is a Certified Pharmacy Technician. He still loves to blast his music in the car when he drives and loves his big ass speaker box and sub in the trunk. He is generally  pretty easy going. He tries to figure out how to make people's day a little bit better. It is a great attitude.

Life has truly been full of ups and downs. Right now we are staying at Bart's parents house as we get life back on track.

Pets: We don't have any of our own right now. Bart's parents have 2 dogs Charlie a bichon and Sophie a Shih tzu. There are also 3 outdoor cats. Lucky Louie, Biggs, and Lilly. The cats are outdoor cats at this time because Bart is deathly allergic to cats.

The kids:

Holly is 26. She has been married and is currently single. She had a daughter, Nevaeh who she gave up for adoption at around 4 months old. Holly's husband was older then me and he had 3 children Holly's age making her their step-mom and me a bonus grandma. Two of those children have had several children as well, so there are about 6 bonus great-grandchildren.

Reality is, Holly and I have a very strained relationship at best. Two of her step-children are friends of mine on facebook, but I have never met them and have only had very limited interaction via facebook.

Holly's world is just that, Holly's world. She will forever be my daughter. She believes she happy and ultimately, that is what matters. It doesn't matter if I wouldn't choose her life. It matters that she is okay with her life as it is.

Nevaeh was adopted by a wonderful lady. Bart and I see her frequently and we are Grandma and Grandpa to her. She is as all children a true blessing.

Justin (Bart's bonus son) is a truck driver. He is married to a sweet gal named Courtney. Justin also has a bonus son, Brandon. Justin and Courtney also have a daughter, Aubri.

Boy the grand-babies and great-grand-babies are multiplying fast.

Camron (Bart's son) is also a truck driver. He is single and enjoying life.

Bart also has a daughter. He hasn't seen her since she was a baby. I hope one day to meet her, until then. She will live in my heart as another bonus kid.

Oh, that's right this blog is supposed to be about me and my thoughts. Here I am telling you all about those who are close to my heart.

Hmmm. I have spent probably the last 2 months hitting sweepstakes hard. Hoping for some Christmas surprises. =) Someone's got to win, so why not me, right?

When we were in WA/ID I had started going to school for Pharmacy Technology as well. Life happened and I had to drop out. I was pretty heartbroken. The licensing laws are different in CA then in WA and ID. So, I am trying to get over myself and get back to studying so I can take the PTCB and get on to a more fulfilling job. Helping people, being of service, etc.

For now, I am working part-time in a woman's clothing store.

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Ask me anything http://formspring.me/foreverheavenly

If you could instantly become fluent in another language, which language would you pick?

love

Ask me anything

If you had to cook dinner for someone tonight, what would you make?

well the bacon has been defrosted for 2 days, so I guess it is breakfast for dinner tonight

Ask me anything

If you could attend any concert, what would it be?

Umm, Does Conan O'Brien's tour count as a concert? I have tickets!!! Music wise... probably Manhiem Steamroller or TransSiberian Orchestra

Ask me anything

time goes by

So last night my husband and I watched Julie and Julia and I decided I should blog again...

wow... it has been a long time...

did I mention I got married? my daughter got married? I moved from CA to NV?

Things they do change.

worst Christmas gift ever

So I was reading Parade in the Sunday paper today and just had to ask my sister a question that they asked readers...

what was the worst present you ever got....

My sister just glared at me

I started to laugh.

She aned I are now debating the year... but it was in the range of 83-85... so I was like 11-13. I am saying it was 83.

It was the first time my dad let me go Christmas shopping alone.

So Christmas morning she opens her presnet from me. The look on everyones face was priceless. I bought her white-out. Dad says what else did you get her? I say, that is what I got her. He says what the bleep were you thinking... I say... she might make a mistake....

this has been the family joke for years...
my daughter even bought her white out one year.

So here I was on the couch busting a gut as she told me she told at least 10 people the story this year and they all look at her and say what?

On the outside looking in

I went out to Del Rio tonight... or was it this morning?

Anyways... was feeling blue and decided to go for a drive... ended up driving around Del Rio for about an hour.

My verdict? you can't see diddly at night.

For those who have no idea... Del Rio is where the money is in Modesto... Reminds me of Palm Springs when ever I go out there...

was still beautiful, just couldn't see as much as usual

made me feel a little better... not sure if it was the reminder of the desert or if it was simply going for a drive...

I told one of the guys at work the other day I would only date people who live in Del Rio (it was a joke) and he was like, a girl has to have her standards...

anyways

Del Rio... I want to be there....

Wish you were here.....

Sometimes life hands you a box of lemmons... and they have already rotted...

Somehow I haven't found one lemmon in the box worthy enough to make some lemonade with.

It is funny how sometimes something as little as having your shit stolen will throw you off in all areas of your life. It has left me feeling off in a lot of areas of my life. It has left me quite melancholy and very disfranchised.

Little things like stealing my atm card, credit cards, checkbook, and drivers license mean I can't get my paycheck out of the bank, I can't legally drive, I can't reserve a hotel room to go see my kid who is in a long term hospital, etc.

The night it happened I started crying not because I was robbed, but because I was tired and hungry and didn't want to cook. I felt like grabbing some fast food... and then when I couldn't... that is when it hit me how bad it was...

The worst part is I am wanting to throw in the towel in more then one area of my life. None of the areas that I just feel like saying screw it to are even the cause of the discontent I am feeling.

There is the situation where today, I simply told someone I give up. I want more then I am getting from the situation. (phone calls, e-mails, text messages) Maybe right now I am being needy. Yet, that is an area of my life right now that just doesn't feel okay. Something has to change in that area.

Then there is work... it is where I had my things stolen from me, so maybe it does make sense that I don't feel right in that category right now. And yet everything is good there. My manager is on vacation for a month and I am running the show at our location. So far I am beating our forcasts, exceeding the goals, beating our district in many categories, etc. The place is in great shape, all of our to do lists are done, all of our regular things are done, etc.

I got a raise last week that I didn't know I was getting and I got signed up for our 401K plan this week.

And yet it doesn't feel okay. I have a co-worker who has been neddling me lately, and I am trying my best to let it go and let those who are supposed to deal with it do so.

Yet, truth be told, I am certain the underlying issue is having someone come into my place of business and violate me in the way they did last week.

There are other things going on too... exhaustion from working 50-60 hours a week and driving 500-1000 miles a week related to my kid.

We are moving her to a location 45 miles from home later this week. In a way I am celebrating. It will relieve me of so much... and yet it has been nothing but a headache.. everything from IEP's, Funding, Billing, Transport, Vegetarianism, etc... it just seems like it is one problem after another. I just keep telling people to just let it be already and I will take care of it... and people are getting in there and telling other people they should be helping more... and then those people are getting mad at me thinking I told the other people whatever bs they were told to put pressure on them to be more helpful.

I just feel like I can't win...

and I have to keep having people remind me that everything is okay, that everything is going to work out...

This move is going to save me a hotel room, 2-4 tanks of gas, and a ton of food out every week. This is a major savings. It is also going to save me 9-18 hours a week of driving.

SO as hard or aggrivating it is right now, this is really a good thing.

I also have to keep being reminding that in about a month our work will shift to 9-5 and I won't be working 50-60 hours a week until next March.

So even though I feel like hell and just want to tell everyone where to go... I know that in just 3 or 4 weeks I won't be exhausted or broke anymore....

and still

I feel like giving up...

sighs