Killing myself with food.....

Sometimes to make an honest change we have to be slapped with reality. It has to hurt enough to make you change. I haven't done much towards the weight loss goal, so it is time to get REAL.

As of today:
Height 4'11''
Weight 242.4
BMI 47.8
Body Fat 51.4
BP 139/76
Pulse 90
A1C 5.5 (equals an average glucose around 117 for the past 3 months)
Trace ketones in urine
Elevated Cholesterol, LDL, Triglycirides (don't know current numbers, last tested in fall)

Problems I am personally having:
Hip and shoulder pain, dizzy spell with nausea (doctor suspects hypglycemic attack), yeast infections in skin folds (painful, itchy, red, raw, seeping, smelly), adrenal gland related acne in skin fold regions, headaches, exhaustion, chronic diarreah, poor sleep patterns, exhaustion, shoulder pain, hip pain, begining of cholesterol patches on lower eye lids, can't fit on certain rides at six flags, have to shop in the plus size stores (size 28, 44D).

Problems I had in the past:
Gestational Diabetes

Family History:
Diabetes, Heart Disease, Stroke, Psoriasis, gall bladder, cancers, pancreatitis, renal failure, sleep apnea, arthritis

What else could happen if I don't change:
mold, yeast infections, fungus, blindness, gangrene, amputation, heart attack, arterolscorosis, permanant disablity, death.

Not dealing with this issue has caused the symptoms listed above and has the potential results listed above. It would mean becoming immobile, losing cognitive functioning, permanant disability and death. That would mean not seeing my daughter as an adult. Not knowing grandchildren. Not being physically able to do the things I want.

If I change my eating habits and exercize more... resulting in a healthy weight, I will greatly reduce my risk factors for the above mentioned problems. I will eliminate many of my current weight related problems. I will be able to do fun things like go on rides at amusement parks, sit in airplanes comfortably, etc. I will be able to shop at the mall instead of the plus size stores. I will have more energy and be physically able to participate in physicaly demanding activities. It will lead to an energetic and fullfilling life. There will be less demand on my joints resulting in less physical pain. It will boost my self-esteem.

So why am I not changing?
I am an emotional eater. I have certanity of comfort in food. I have looked at food as a friend instead of as fuel. History of eating disorder and fears/hurts related to losing friends to eating disorders. Have irrationally internalized a sexual assault as a teenager as something that would
not have happened if I was not physically fit at that time.

If I don't want to become severely and permanantly disabled or die, I need to start making the following massive changes:
Go back to weight watchers
Plan menus
1200 Kcal ADA diet
2 g na
low fat
low cholesterol
capa free
high fiber
aiming for an alkaline type of diet
121 oz of water (1/2 of weight in oz.)
cleansing fasts
weight train
cardio: aroebics, treadmill, stairmaster, epilicatl
The Firm or other exercize videos I own
Stop eating out
Stop drinking soda
stop eating sugar
Exercize 30 mins before logging on the PC
Go to bed earlier and turn off the TV so I get better sleep

I AM COMMITTED TO STOP KILLING MYSELF WITH FOOD.

If you know me in person... please help me stay accountable.

If you only know me on-line... please encourage me, please ask me tough questions to make sure I am still doing what I have to do if I want to live.

Numbers that will make me feel successful
Height 4'11"
Wieght 99
BMI 20
% fat 14
BP 90/60
Pulse 60
A1C 4
No Ketones in Urine
Cholesterol, Tri, LDL lowered to normal ranges (not sure exact numbers)