Wish you were here.....

Sometimes life hands you a box of lemmons... and they have already rotted...

Somehow I haven't found one lemmon in the box worthy enough to make some lemonade with.

It is funny how sometimes something as little as having your shit stolen will throw you off in all areas of your life. It has left me feeling off in a lot of areas of my life. It has left me quite melancholy and very disfranchised.

Little things like stealing my atm card, credit cards, checkbook, and drivers license mean I can't get my paycheck out of the bank, I can't legally drive, I can't reserve a hotel room to go see my kid who is in a long term hospital, etc.

The night it happened I started crying not because I was robbed, but because I was tired and hungry and didn't want to cook. I felt like grabbing some fast food... and then when I couldn't... that is when it hit me how bad it was...

The worst part is I am wanting to throw in the towel in more then one area of my life. None of the areas that I just feel like saying screw it to are even the cause of the discontent I am feeling.

There is the situation where today, I simply told someone I give up. I want more then I am getting from the situation. (phone calls, e-mails, text messages) Maybe right now I am being needy. Yet, that is an area of my life right now that just doesn't feel okay. Something has to change in that area.

Then there is work... it is where I had my things stolen from me, so maybe it does make sense that I don't feel right in that category right now. And yet everything is good there. My manager is on vacation for a month and I am running the show at our location. So far I am beating our forcasts, exceeding the goals, beating our district in many categories, etc. The place is in great shape, all of our to do lists are done, all of our regular things are done, etc.

I got a raise last week that I didn't know I was getting and I got signed up for our 401K plan this week.

And yet it doesn't feel okay. I have a co-worker who has been neddling me lately, and I am trying my best to let it go and let those who are supposed to deal with it do so.

Yet, truth be told, I am certain the underlying issue is having someone come into my place of business and violate me in the way they did last week.

There are other things going on too... exhaustion from working 50-60 hours a week and driving 500-1000 miles a week related to my kid.

We are moving her to a location 45 miles from home later this week. In a way I am celebrating. It will relieve me of so much... and yet it has been nothing but a headache.. everything from IEP's, Funding, Billing, Transport, Vegetarianism, etc... it just seems like it is one problem after another. I just keep telling people to just let it be already and I will take care of it... and people are getting in there and telling other people they should be helping more... and then those people are getting mad at me thinking I told the other people whatever bs they were told to put pressure on them to be more helpful.

I just feel like I can't win...

and I have to keep having people remind me that everything is okay, that everything is going to work out...

This move is going to save me a hotel room, 2-4 tanks of gas, and a ton of food out every week. This is a major savings. It is also going to save me 9-18 hours a week of driving.

SO as hard or aggrivating it is right now, this is really a good thing.

I also have to keep being reminding that in about a month our work will shift to 9-5 and I won't be working 50-60 hours a week until next March.

So even though I feel like hell and just want to tell everyone where to go... I know that in just 3 or 4 weeks I won't be exhausted or broke anymore....

and still

I feel like giving up...

sighs